we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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