I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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