If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
