i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize