ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
