I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
