were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
