Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize