so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
