tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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