Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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