I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
