I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
