...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
