Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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