he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
