She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
