I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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