dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
