I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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