somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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