sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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