I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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