I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
