time to smoke my breakfast
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
