Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
