we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize