is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
