I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
