I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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