I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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