Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
