Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
