when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
