If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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