I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
