Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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