My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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