you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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