he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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