yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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