we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
