Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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