First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize