his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize