I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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