you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
