I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
