just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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