I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
