I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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