But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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