I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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