I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
