One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
