Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
