Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
