At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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