dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
