Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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